The Impact of Grace and Courtesy
March 4, 2024

In Montessori, we emphasize two words on a pretty regular basis: grace and courtesy. But what does grace and courtesy really mean? How are they an essential part of Montessori classrooms? And what role do they play in supporting the development of social relationships?


What is Grace? What is Courtesy?


Let’s first isolate each word. Google’s Oxford Languages defines “grace" in two parts: 1. simple elegance or refinement of movement, and 2. courteous goodwill. Courtesy is defined simply as: the showing of politeness in one’s attitude and behavior toward others. Stated another way, grace and courtesy comprise how we move through the space around us showing respect for ourselves and others.


Grace & Courtesy Lessons


In our toddler and primary classrooms, grace and courtesy are considered to be part of practical life learning and we devote significant time to grace and courtesy lessons. For example, the adults give explicit instruction on how to walk around someone’s work on the rug, how to wait your turn, how to offer help, how to tuck a chair under the table, or how to introduce oneself. These lessons are offered one-on-one or in small groups and we often use role playing as a technique for exploring the skills.


We are very careful about how we introduce grace and courtesy to children. If we see something that needs to be addressed, we try to avoid confronting the child in the moment and we never offer grace and courtesy lessons as a form of punishment or correction. We are careful about this because children are often embarrassed when corrected by adults on the spot. When this happens, they can feel disrespected and not safe, and thus much less likely to perform the act on their own accord.


In the Older Years


As children enter their elementary and adolescent years, our approach shifts slightly. Elementary-age children are more focused on their social interactions and are learning how to navigate the ups and downs of friendships. As such, much of the grace and courtesy work at this level provides children with tools for communicating directly and respectfully, sharing perspectives thoughtfully, and even being discreet about something potentially embarrassing. In addition, they are learning how to interact with the broader community as they arrange visits or interviews, conduct themselves according to the norms of different communities, and explore how to be a host or be a guest.


The Goal


The goal in Montessori education is that these acts of grace and courtesy aren’t rigid expectations, like insisting that children say please and thank you. Rather, they become part of how children want to be and interact. Dr. Montessori is quoted as saying: “…the essential thing is that [the child] should know how to perform these actions of courtesy when his little heart prompts him to do so, as part of a social life which develops naturally from moment to moment.” 


Like all other exercises in Montessori prepared environments, we offer opportunities to regularly practice and repeat grace and courtesy skills. Because these experiences are part of the normal functioning of the day, they provide a respectful way for young people to learn expectations and for adults to provide scaffolding and assistance for social skills.


The Results


In time, as we offer these grace and courtesy opportunities and give children a safe place to practice, our young people eventually perform these skills independently. 


When you visit our school, you’re likely to see two young children sitting together one patiently showing the other how to tie their shoes. Or perhaps if you observe in a classroom, a couple of students might ask if you would like them to serve you tea or water. 


Our children bring a sad classmate a tissue or rush to assist when someone has a spill. They tuck their chairs under tables so others don’t trip over them. They carefully place a tray upon a table. They greet each other and adults in the hallways. They hold the door open when they see someone coming their way. 


In the process, Montessori children move beyond the basic niceties and think deeply about their impact on those around them. We’d love to show you this in action! Schedule a tour to see the ways that grace and courtesy help children recognize themselves as caring individuals within a supportive community. 



Teacher reading with young children, modeling attentive adult presence in early learning.

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Child using color-coded word cards to explore pronouns in a Montessori language activity.

Language Revealed: The Montessori Journey to Understanding Pronouns

March 9, 2026
When children begin working with pronouns in Montessori, they are not learning something entirely new. Instead, they are bringing to consciousness language they already use every day. Pronoun work builds slowly and intentionally. It is not about mastering grammar rules, but about understanding how language functions and how meaning is carried when words stand in for one another. Beginning With Experience, Not Explanation Montessori pronoun work begins with movement and spoken language, not written grammar. We start with little oral games to highlight how a pronoun functions, sometimes eliminating the pronoun (“Josie and John and Jack and Josiah are walking around the table.”) and other times emphasizing the pronoun (“They are walking around the table.”). The children love acting out the phrases, sometimes chanting, moving, watching one another, and laughing. Through these physical experiences, they begin to notice that we don’t always use names when we speak. Certain words take the place of a noun, and the meaning is still clear. At this stage, we don’t offer the term pronoun because we want children to simply experience its function. From Movement to Sentences Once children are ready for more structured language work, we introduce them to the Pronoun Grammar Box so they can build and rebuild sentences using color-coded cards for each part of speech. From one sentence to the next, only a few words change as nouns get replaced by pronouns. By comparing sentences, children discover that although the word changes, the sentence still makes sense. This comparison is essential. Rather than being told what a pronoun is, children see what it does. We then invite children to add grammar symbols to the sentence (noun, article, adjective, verb, preposition, adverb) until we finally draw attention to the remaining word: “This word is used in place of a noun.” Only then do we introduce the pronoun symbol: a purple isosceles triangle, the height of the noun symbol. Montessori Lore: The Pronoun’s Story There’s a beloved story about the pronoun symbol. Long ago, the pronoun was shorter and a different color. Wanting to be as important as the noun, it stretched itself taller and taller to reach the same height. As it stretched, its base became smaller and it turned purple from the effort of standing in the noun’s place. It’s a poetic reminder of what children discover through their work: a pronoun depends on the noun, borrowing its meaning while standing in for it. Why Pronouns Come Later Pronouns are more abstract than other parts of speech. To understand a pronoun, children must already have a strong, concrete understanding of the noun. For this reason, pronouns (along with interjections) are typically introduced later than other grammar symbols, often in the elementary years. Even then, one lesson is not enough. In Montessori, the real learning happens after the presentation, when we step back and children work independently with the material. The guide’s role is to show how to use the material, not to explain grammar in detail. Understanding emerges through repeated use. Deepening Understanding Through Play and Exploration As children grow more confident, the work expands to include: Transposition games, where pronouns are removed or replaced to explore how meaning changes. Command cards, which physically isolate pronouns through action. Personal pronoun charts, introducing first, second, and third person (singular and plural) through storytelling. The Verb Family, where children explore the close relationship between the verb, adverb, and pronoun. Children discover that pronouns often work closely with verbs, helping to carry action and meaning through a sentence. Subtleties Come Later At first, Montessori avoids getting caught in fine distinctions. Over time, children may explore nuances such as the difference between possessive pronouns (the book is mine) and possessive adjectives (my book). These discussions often happen later, sometimes with the support of grammar references, once children have a solid foundation. Language Revealed, Not Taught Through this carefully layered progression of movement, sentence work, symbols, and exploration, children develop a deep understanding of how words function differently in sentences. Montessori grammar invites children to discover how language works at their own pace through hands-on exploration. We don’t rush this process. So by the time children are ready to name the pronoun, it’s not a new idea. It’s something they already know. We invite you to visit our classrooms in Delran, New Jersey to see firsthand the children’s joy of learning!