Navigating Sibling Dynamics
March 11, 2024

As parents, we want our kids to get along. Yet sibling dynamics can vex even the best of us. We cringe at how much our children can hurt each other, then melt when we see them treating each other with kindness. Their fights can drive us crazy, causing us to worry about whether they will like each other as adults. 


Fortunately, we can implement strategies to prevent problems between siblings, set the stage for healthy interactions, and practice some techniques for managing conflict in the moment. 


One of the first steps is taking time to understand our children, ourselves, and the situation. Without taking time to assess these three aspects, we often end up interfering in sibling conflict, which may stop the fight in the moment but that may also inadvertently increase competition and misunderstanding.


Check-In with Ourselves


When conflicts arise, it helps to first check in with our own feelings. Having awareness of our mental and physical responses allows us to practice self-regulation. We can breathe in deeply through our nose and our mouth. We can pause before responding. We can even express our emotions: “I’m realizing that I’m not feeling very calm right now. Because I’m starting to feel upset, I’m going to take a minute to try to regain some control.” Our children don’t need us to get on the roller coaster! 


Describe and Empathize


Another technique to help in the moment is to describe what we see and to empathize. When we describe what we see in a non-judgmental way, we help our children become aware of what they are doing. This allows them the opportunity to choose if they want to continue. The real key is to do this in a neutral way: “I’m noticing that both of you seem to really want to sit on the bean bag chair. Sometimes it can be hard to both want the same thing.” 


Examine the Hidden Beliefs


When children exhibit behaviors, they have unspoken beliefs behind that behavior. To better understand our children and these beliefs, can start to reflect on any hidden messages. Some questions to consider include: Do our children feel like they need to win, be first, have an item, etc. to be significant in the family? Are they trying to determine their place in the family? Do they feel wronged in some way and want to cause hurt back to others? Do they feel they are being treated unfairly? Are they trying to fight back to have a sense of justice? Is fighting a way to assert power in the situation? 


We don’t need to have answers to the questions but rather recognize that our children might be operating based on some mistaken beliefs. It’s important to remember that what happens to us isn’t as important as the beliefs we have about what happens to us. Our children just want to belong and feel significant and might need some support in developing new beliefs to feel accepted and important.


Shift the Beliefs


One way to shift their thinking is to practice putting children in the same boat. When we take sides in an argument or conflict (for example, by reminding an older child to be kind to their younger sibling or assuming wrongdoing in some way), we reinforce competition or hard feelings between siblings. Instead, we can give our children a choice or hold both responsible. If something has been broken, both can be involved in making repairs or amends. If they are fighting in the car, we can pull over and explain that we’ll be happy to get going again when they have resolved their conflict or have decided to stop arguing. If tattling is a regular occurrence, we can empathize and wonder how they will solve the problem together. We can also make sure we aren’t setting up situations that cultivate jealousy or competition by forcing sharing or putting one child’s needs before another’s.


Provide Special Time


Another way to help our children feel belonging and significance is to schedule special time. Our children need our undivided attention, yet so often as parents, we are pulled in so many directions. One way to address this is to commit to having five to ten minutes of one-on-one time with each child. Let your children know that this is time that you will be with them 100% and that they get to choose what you both do together during that time. Even if it is that activity that you just can’t stand, remember it is only for a short duration! Use a timer and stay committed to having the time each day. This undivided attention helps children feel secure and connected. The result? They are more cooperative with us and each other. 


New Skills


Ultimately helping our children navigate sibling dynamics involves teaching new skills. We can help our children learn how to express themselves kindly and firmly, perhaps even practicing how to share concerns during family meetings. We can involve our children in finding solutions through problem-solving strategies. We can emphasize the value of different perspectives and needs by appreciating each child’s unique qualities and building gratitude into our routines. 


What we model and promote in our families helps set the stage for how our children navigate not only sibling relationships but their interactions in the world. If you’d like to learn more about how we cultivate respectful, cooperative relationships and help children learn how to resolve differences with respect and kindness, come visit our school!


April 28, 2025
Elementary-aged children have an innate desire to learn about the universe, the world, places, people, and how they interact. They yearn to understand why and how. They are eager to understand not only the culture in which they live but also make sense of the magnitude of cultures (human and non-human) that make up the entire world and, indeed, the entire cosmos. Dr. Maria Montessori developed Cosmic Education as a guiding framework for children in the second plane of development (ages 6 to 12). Comic Education is designed to nurture their reasoning minds and imagination while fostering a sense of interconnectedness and wonder. The Philosophy of Cosmic Education Dr. Montessori described Cosmic Education as an approach that offers children a vision of the universe and its order and a way to understand how all things are interrelated. “If the idea of the universe be presented to the child in the right way, it will do more for him than just arouse his interest, for it will create in him admiration and wonder... his intelligence becomes whole and complete because of the vision of the whole that has been presented to him.” – Dr. Maria Montessori To Educate the Human Potential Rather than teaching isolated subjects, Cosmic Education presents an integrated curriculum where history, science, geography, language, and math are interwoven into a grand narrative. This holistic approach helps children see themselves as part of both a larger human story and the natural world. The Scope of Cosmic Education Unlike traditional curricula focused on skills, facts, and assessments, Cosmic Education prioritizes deep exploration. As Montessori educators, we recognize that we are guides who plant seeds of interest, knowing that these seeds may germinate later in life. We encourage children to pursue knowledge freely, follow their curiosity, and make connections across disciplines. At its core, Cosmic Education is centered around key themes: Natural Laws: The universe follows natural laws, from gravity to the water cycle, which children observe and study. Human societies also create laws to maintain order and cooperation. Work & Contributions : Everything in nature and human civilization has a role to play. From the work of bees pollinating plants to the contributions of scientists and artists, children see how each element of the universe is purposeful. Interdependencies & Relationships : All systems in the universe, from ecosystems to human economies, are interconnected. Montessori education highlights these relationships to foster understanding and responsibility. Love, Appreciation, & Gratitude : Cosmic Education nurtures a sense of reverence for the universe, whether through scientific discovery or historical narratives. The Great Stories: A Foundation for Learning Cosmic Education is introduced through the Great Stories, a series of imaginative, inspiring tales we share with wonder and reference. These stories not only provide a tantalizing glimpse into the marvels of the universe, they also provide a framework for deeper study. In order to bring significant concepts to life, Montessori elementary guides appeal to students’ imagination through allegory, metaphor, beautiful language, charts, and dramatic demonstrations. The Great Stories include: The Creation of the Universe (“God with No Hands”) – An awe-inspiring story about the origins of the universe, the formation of galaxies, and the forces that shape our world. The Coming of Life – A journey through the evolutionary changes of life on Earth that culminates in an introduction to the fascinating Timeline of Life. The Story of Humans – Explores the unique intellectual and creative capacities of human beings, emphasizing imagination and innovation. The Story of Communication in Signs/The Story of Our Alphabet Story – Traces the development of written language, from ancient symbols to modern alphabets. The Story of Our Numerals – Highlights how mathematics is another kind of human language and introduces the power of math to bring order and exactness, including how math has allowed humans to meet their needs in different ways. These stories captivate children’s imaginations, prompting further exploration of subjects like physics, chemistry, history, and biology. They provide a unifying theme that integrates all areas of study, reinforcing the idea that learning is not fragmented but part of a cohesive whole. Outcomes of Cosmic Education Dr. Montessori’s vision of education extends beyond academics; it is about shaping compassionate, knowledgeable, and socially responsible individuals. She believed that understanding our place in the cosmos fosters humility, gratitude, and a commitment to improving the world. Through Cosmic Education, children develop: A sense of purpose, recognizing that their work and actions contribute to the greater whole. An organized and analytical mind, capable of seeing patterns and relationships in complex information. A deep appreciation for humanity and nature, encouraging them to become responsible stewards of the Earth. A lifelong love of learning, driven by curiosity rather than external rewards. Nurturing wonder, critical thinking, and interconnected understanding lays the foundation for a lifetime of meaningful learning and engagement with the world. Ultimately, Montessori’s Cosmic Education is more than a curriculum—it is a philosophy that empowers children to view themselves as active participants in the ongoing story of the universe. The best way to learn about Cosmic Education is to come see it in action! Schedule a tour today!
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Help children navigate social conflicts with empathy and problem-solving. Learn how to reframe tattling, guide constructive conversations, and build independence!