Looking on the Positive Side
March 20, 2023

Our brains are hardwired to look for problems and generate solutions. In The Neuroscience of Change, Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford University, explains how this brain state has been helpful for human evolution so we can improve our state of being. Looking for what’s wrong, however, often prevents us from seeing what is good in the present moment.


Because of our negative bias, we can easily become focused on what children need to do better: pick up their clothes, get ready faster, be quieter, solve math problems better, make less mess, and on and on. As a result, our children can easily be bombarded by what they are not doing right.


Clear Feedback & Encouragement

In Montessori environments, we focus on offering clear, accurate feedback and encouragement, which includes acknowledging children’s work and effort. We want children to develop an internal drive so they can be independent, responsible, thoughtful learners and community members. 


To support this development, our feedback and encouragement are focused on what is happening for children internally. We acknowledge what children might be feeling and the effort involved. Instead of the focus being on what the adult is feeling, we reflect upon children’s experiences. So rather than saying “I’m so proud of you,” we might say “You look very proud,” or “You worked so hard. Congratulations!”


Phrases of encouragement or positive feedback work best when backed up by evidence. For example, “I noticed how your friends looked relieved when you offered to help sweep up the spilled rice. They seemed to really appreciate your kindness.” Or “I saw how you looked frustrated and then how you took a deep breath. You showed a lot of self-control at that moment.”


State the Positive

Developmentally, young children need to hear requests or reminders framed positively. They need to know the expected behavior and they need us to state what we expected to see. If we say, “don’t hit,” young children cannot easily differentiate between the commands “hit” and “don’t hit.” The last word they hear is “hit,” so that is the image that lasts in their minds. Thus, statements like “don’t run” or “don’t hit” aren’t as effective for our young children. 

 

Rather than saying what not to do, we focus on the behavior we want to see. Statements like “walk, please,” “touch gently,” or “please talk quietly” offer a clear and positive image of what to do. Children hear how to be successful and thus can more easily be successful. 


Catch Them Doing Something Right


In addition to these clear directions, we can recast children’s self-image by acknowledging times they are making a good choice. In doing so we are providing our children with positive attention. All too often children get attention when they are engaged in behaviors we don’t like. Children then quickly learn that they need to act out in some way if they want attention. To counter this trend, we need to catch our children doing something right. 


Building a Foundation


If we are caught in a cycle of only seeing the negative, one way we can change our outlook is to make a list of all the things our children have done right over the course of a day. When we start noticing and acknowledging the good stuff, we help create a positive feedback loop. Young children also love hearing a story about their day that highlights the positive choices they have made. 


In Different Learners, Jane M. Healy, Ph.D., offers a strong reminder about the profound influence we have on our children: “One thing brain research tells us – loud and clear – is that the way we raise and teach our children not only helps shape their brains, but can also influence or even alter the way genes play out their roles.” 


In this season of new growth, let’s offer positive reminders and in-the-moment acknowledgments to help our young people develop successfully. By doing so we will also be helping ourselves see the world in a more positive light. 


We also encourage you to come to visit our school to hear how the adults and children in our community interact with each other in positive ways!

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In Montessori education, we emphasize community, not just as an abstract concept, but as a lived daily experience. From the very beginning of life, we emphasize carefully prepared environments that foster a deep sense of belonging and connection. What Is Community? The word community comes from the Latin communis , meaning “common, public, general, or shared by all or many.” In addition to shared space, in Montessori, we also think about community as a shared sense of meaning, values, and connection. At its core, community begins with the most fundamental human group: the family. Families form children’s first social experience and the first place where values, culture, and expectations are passed down. This bond has helped humans survive and thrive throughout history. Partnering with Families In the Montessori approach, we honor and respect each family's unique values, striving to foster strong home-school relationships. Our partnership with families is a mutual journey—one in which the adult caregivers at school and home come together with a shared purpose: to nurture children’s natural growth. Building the Toddler Community We design our learning environments—both indoors and outdoors—to meet each child where they are, providing just the right level of challenge, comfort, and beauty. In creating community, we focus on essential, concrete elements like people, space, and materials, while also attending to intangible aspects that provide a profound sense of order. The People : The adults—both the lead guide and trained assistants—focus on personal and professional preparation. Their role is not to direct the child but to support their natural development with presence, purpose, and peacefulness. The Space : The physical environment must be appropriately sized, thoughtfully arranged, and aesthetically pleasing. If it’s too large, children can feel lost or overstimulated. If it’s too small, they may feel crowded and unsettled. We design every detail—from the furniture to the flow of the day—with intention. The Materials : Everything in the classroom is purposeful, developmentally appropriate, and in harmony with Montessori principles. We carefully select materials to support children’s movement, independence, concentration, and sense of order. Profound Order : A true Montessori community also relies on an invisible but essential structure: the order that underlies everything. Children have a fundamental need for order, especially during the first six years of life when they are in their sensitive period for order. External order—seen in routines, consistent expectations, and a well-organized space—helps children form inner order, which is the foundation of emotional regulation, concentration, and autonomy. If children do not experience order in their lives, they must expend energy trying to create it—energy that should instead be used for self-construction. That is why order must exist not just in the physical environment, but also in the adults’ behavior and in the flow of the day. A sense of control, predictability, and respect enables toddlers to flourish as they begin to form their personalities. The Role of the Prepared Adult As we create and cultivate our learning communities, we also recognize the significance of our role as adults in creating a community where toddlers feel safe, supported, and free to grow. While we play a critical role in creating and maintaining a beautiful environment, we also recognize that it belongs to the children for their growth and development. To ensure that we support this development, we strive to master the art of observation, which enables us to identify what children need to aid their growth. With a deep understanding of the purpose of every material in the classroom, we can then connect children to meaningful work through intentional and respectful presentations. We also practice humility, recognizing that children are often more in tune with their needs than we are. Our work with toddlers requires us to respect each child’s human potential, even when behavior is challenging, and to love unconditionally, accepting children for who they are, not who we want them to be. This practice means that we regularly reflect on our own work, always striving to improve so that we can better serve the children. A Living, Breathing Community Creating a Montessori community for toddlers is both an art and a science that requires intentional environments, well-prepared adults, and a deep respect for children’s developmental journey. At its heart, the Montessori Toddler Community is a shared space where children learn how to be in the world—together. It is here they first experience what it means to belong, to contribute, and to grow with others. Schedule a visit to see what an intentionally designed community looks like in action!